Uncle Roger's Notebooks of Daily Life

The Dictates of Faith

You are welcome to any beliefs you care to hold, regardless of how silly they might seem to me or anyone else.

You are not, however, allowed to impose the limitations and restrictions dictated by your beliefs on anyone else.

If you attempt to do so, then you are agreeing to be limited by the restrictions mandated by my beliefs which include:

• Income is limited to $5 million/year and no one may have personal wealth greater than $25 million. All excess monies will be put under my control for redistribution.
• Men may not date or be intimate with a woman more than 10 years their junior. At age 50, this limit changes to 5 years, except in the case of pre-existing marriages.
• Golf is immediately outlawed, except during hurricanes. Miniature golf is not affected by this.
• Henceforth, all sports involving people (or animals) on foot and any sort of ball will be known as football. Futbol is an acceptable alternate spelling, but only for those fluent in Spanish.
• Avocados are unclean and must not be eaten. The same is true of "Ricotta" cheese. And by "unclean" I mean "just plain nasty".
• Pants which do not cover the ankle but do cover any part of the knee are an abomination. And just plain annoying. Shorts or pants -- make up your damn mind. For both men and women. Specialized technical clothing is exempt from this.
• Men who have sex with a woman without using (male) birth control, other than specifically for the purpose of procreation in the context of a long-term relationship shall be castrated.
• No more viagra. It's not natural.

So it's your choice. Continue to push your beliefs on the the rest of us and you'll end up living by the above (and other) rules. Or, keep your beliefs to yourself and I'll do the same. Sound fair?