Uncle Roger's Notebooks of Daily Life


My life is, to me, ripe with frequent challenges, occasional successes, spontaneous laughter, adequate tears, and enough *life* to last me a lifetime. To you, however, it surely seems most pedestrian. And therefore, I recycle the name I used previously and call this my Notebooks of Daily Life. Daily, because it's everyday in nature, ordinary. These conglomeration of events that are my life are of interest to me because I live it, perhaps mildly so to those who are touched by it, and could only be of perverse, morbid curiosity to anyone else. Yet, I offer them here nonetheless. Make of them what you will, and perhaps you can learn from my mistakes.


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Friday, August 19, 2011

Flower Power

Police have reportedly captured a suspect in a series of fires taking place around the Bay Area. In each case, the arsonist set fire to a flower shop, destroying it, and the plants within, completely. Police had been stumped for weeks; the culprit left few clues behind. Now, however, they say they are very confident that Ray Oliver is the one responsible.

According to a police spokesman, Oliver suffers from severe allergies and his suffering and subsequent hatred of all things floral provided all the motive he needed to embark on his fiery crime spree. Ironically, it was this very weakness -- severe allergies -- that led to his capture.

It turns out that Oliver is especially allergic to the yew tree -- so much so that even being near a grove of the trees could result in a fatal reaction. Unfortunately for him, the suspect's last target just happened to be one of the largest growers of miniature yew trees in the country.

The shop's owner found Oliver lying on the floor of his greenhouse, curled up in the fetal position, swollen and barely able to breathe. He was arrested without incident and treated while in custody.

When asked why it took so long to capture the suspect, the police spokesman explained simply that "Only yew can prevent florist fires."

[ Posted: 02:00 | home | print ]