Uncle Roger's Notebooks of Daily Life

Methinks 'tis a bit too late

Do you pray for the dead? Why?

Some time ago, there were some police officers who were killed in the line of duty. I don't recall the exact circumstances, but they were killed by someone who felt they were above the law. It was a terrible tragedy; lives were cut short that shouldn't have been. Those officers made the ultimate sacrifice in the course of trying to keep the rest of us safe. They -- quite literally -- took a bullet for us. My hat is off to them and my heart goes out to their families and loved ones.

Shortly after, I noticed a box in the margin of my facebook page enjoining me to pray for these fallen heroes. I didn't pay much attention at the time -- I assume I was supposed to join a facebook group or something in addition to praying -- but it has been bugging me ever since.

Note that I in no way wish to trivialize what happened or impugn their courage, bravery, or sacrifice.

But, really, they were dead.

Even if I believed in God, why would I pray for them?

I mean, they were already dead. Game over. They'd already gone to meet their maker. They were ex-patrolmen.

So, at that point, either they were good christians (or hindus or muslims or whatever) and they're in like Flynn or they weren't and there'll be no heaven for them. So what good is praying going to do?

Or is the point that god's judgement can be swayed by the opinions of the friends of the deceased? Something like the ending of Lean on Me where Easy Reader, er, Morgan Freeman is lying on the bed in his jail cell and all his students show up to protest his arrest? I mean, I can see Eddie Izzard as god judging Hitler:

"Now Adolph, you've been a very bad boy, now haven't you. Yes, yes you have. Very bad. I mean, I think you broke every last one of the commandments. And there were only ten -- it's not like there were hundreds of commandments. Come on! What? Number ten? You mean 'You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor'? Remember Poland? Yeah, yeah, you thought I'd forgotten about that, didn't you?

"So, Adolph, I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you straight to. . . wait, what's that? Whoa. There must be millions of people down there and they're all praying. Wha? Why, they're praying for you, you little nazi bastard. They're all asking me to take care of you and bring you straight to heaven. Well, now, I can't really do that, now can I? I'm sorry. . .

"Ha ha! Fooled you! That's a lot of people down there praying for you. I guess I'm going to have to let you in after all, you little rascal! Now you behave yourself, alright?

"Oh, hang on a moment! Ein minuten bitter -- Maybe you could do something about the Jews for Jesus wackos? I mean, really? Don't they get it? That's like being veg-- hey! Don't tell my punchlines before me! I'm god! I get to tell my jokes no matter how old they are! Jews for Jesus is like vegetarians for meat! Anyway, they're really annoying and the streets are covered with those bloody pamphlets they're always handing out. So maybe you could do something about that, eh?"

Okay, so I got a little carried away there (and I do loves me some Eddie Izzard!) but you get the idea. If people could really influence god just by praying for someone, then you could very easily end up with lots of people praying for someone that god knew was totally evil, even if he kept it from all his human peeps.

And consider the case of a truly good person. Someone who followed all the rules and did everything you needed to do to get into heaven. Would you need to pray for that person? Again with the Eddie Izzard:

"Alright, Mrs. Nelligan, it looks like you were truly a good person your entire life. Nary a commandment broken and that time you helped old Mrs. Peterson, well, let's just say it brought a tear to my all-seeing eye. I think you're a shoe-in. Let me just check the wireless first. . . Oh, dear, I'm sorry. It seems the only person praying for you is Mrs. Peterson and she's already dead so she doesn't count. Your husband? Oh, I'm sorry, it appears he's already taken up with the neighbor's wife, so he'll be joining you in hell at some point. Have a nice day!"

But what if you're just on the edge? Maybe you did a little coveting? Maybe you went in to the office once or twice on Sunday? Could a little community support tip the scales? I would think that an all-powerful, all-knowing god wouldn't need to use a life-line.

Perhaps that is the answer, then. For those who weren't perfect but also weren't unambiguously hellish, prayers might mean the difference between getting in and going down. So, I guess, you really ought to go on praying for the dearly departed because, after all, you never really know what secrets old Uncle Albert took to his grave.

P.S., just in case Eddie Izzard should read this, you are welcome to use this in exchange for a couple of tickets to your show next time you come to San Francisco!

[ Posted: 22:00 | home | print ]